17 December 2009

Quote of the week.

"Why is it squishy?" -D
"It's a very wet nut." -Brian

16 December 2009


Cam's 11 pounds, 1 ounce as of Monday morning! At two months and one day, he's put on just shy of five pounds and added 2.5" since birth. SWEET! I knew my arm was coming out of its socket for a reason...

It has been a trying two days since then. While I dare not post details about this right now (on the off chance that Brian checks this before Monday), let's just say that when we replace the door to the beer cave I am taking an axe to it. Seriously. And burning the leftover shards.

I know of no other inanimate object that can make me angry enough to yell at Cam. (Sad but true.) Don't worry, it was fleeting and he is now secured in the Moby, snoozing away.

Can't wait to go to Gainesville next week! Even if I'll be shifted to the southbound side on my way up...

09 December 2009

Houston, we have sleep cycle.

Slept through the night! Six straight hours of glorious sleep... who knew it could feel THIS GOOD.

Of course, it would feel better if I didn't have a sore throat. Oh well.

Holiday cards are getting here today... which may or may not get a personal message on the back like last year, lol. I do want to get them mailed before St. Patrick's Day. Cam's photo thank you cards (free from Shutterfly via Delta Skymiles) got here yesterday. They're cute, but a little boring in my opinion; there weren't too many options to choose from. Hopefully those will get done this week, too!

Made cookies for the neighbors so far (new neighbors to our left, finally) - along with chocolate nut clusters (no jokes, please... ok yes - jokes!). Those get delivered as soon as the holiday cards get here.

Now to order Cam's Yule present - another Moby! For when he decides to "shower" the other one with affection... or just fluid.

08 December 2009

In the jungle, the mighty jungle...

...the Cameron slept last night!


Now that that's out of the way, Cam went from 10 last night (actually, a little before) until 7 this morning between feedings. I did have to get up at 2:30 to change a diaper, but MAN was that good sleep in the interim! I even woke up before him... can't say that's ever happened before! (It's a good thing I did, too... had to do a little pumping before I could feed him - 7oz, no effort. (jeez!))

I think I smell another growth spurt coming on...

30 November 2009

The new Tim Tebow...

... might need an exorcist.

Mr. Dangles says Happy Thanksgiving to Cam (thanks to his dad).

After an eventful weekend (dinner with everyone everywhere!, seeing Granny, visiting Aunt Katie & her family, getting dolled up at the mall, dealing with cat fluids a frillion times, watching the Gators pummel the 'Noles), Cam woke up this morning, ate, and promptly projectile vomited. On me. In our bed. Apparently either there's some rule that projectile fluids out of one end require a reciprocal action from the other end within a week... or he's possessed.

I don't know which one I like more.

Addendum: He's smiling now! I got some big smiles (with eye contact) this morning for about 30 minutes. Then he filled his diaper and realized he was hungry, so... he's sleeping right now.

26 November 2009

Happy Turkey Day!

Happy Turkey Day! We are going to Brian's mom's today to eat dinner with her, B's stepdad, and B's dad. (The draw of the Cameron is strong.) Friday we are going down to my parents' to eat dinner with them, Brett, Désirée, David, my grandma, and my grandpa.

Cam's 1st Thanksgiving will be full of travel, but most importantly - oodles of family!

20 November 2009

November daze...

A little blurry, but he's starting to get a personality. :)

Days are getting (marginally) chillier, especially in the morning. This becomes really apparent when you get up at 2am and have to strip off your pajama top.

We've had two nights now with ~6 hours of sleep straight. Last night, I was the one who woke up at 2am; Cam had a shart diaper and wanted to go back to sleep, but I kept him up to eat a bit. The 5am feeding fell by the wayside... so we slept (more-or-less... Brian gets up at 5:30 so I was awake then) until 7:30. Ate & then slept until 9:30! The cats were practically beating the door down, but I was so cock-eyed I couldn't get out of bed til then.

Today's agenda calls for making cat food (kinda behind on that, they're almost out!), prepping spanakopita for Turkey Day, and baking banana bread with the free bananas from BJ's. Oh yeah, and handling my new job in waste management.

Yesterday Cam slept for 2 hours in the Moby(!!) and then another hour after a feeding/diaper change interlude. Somehow I managed to seed three pomegranates, make a big pot of chicken stock, and then make acorn squash soup & biscuits. YUM! Brian got home, and gave Cam a bottle for the afternoon feeding. We had a nice sit-down dinner that was only briefly interrupted... then went upstairs, everyone got clean, and we went to sleep. Yes, we're old... headed upstairs at 8:30*.

*Not 8:30 AM.

11 November 2009

Back up our claims? Um... no.

I love that Disney, instead of backing up their claims that Baby Einstein DVDs are educational, are now explicitly stating that they offer cash refunds. Haha. Hahaha.

It's as if their thinking is, "Oh darn, they caught us. Shucks. Guess you'll be wanting your $$$ back. Yeah, we were just blowing smoke up your ... butt." (Hey, it's Disney - gotta keep it PG.)

In other news, Cam is making more eye contact, experimenting with new sounds (which sound more like a baby than a pterodactyl - YAY!), and has marginally more head control. Last night, he slept for SIX WHOLE HOURS... after the shock and the oh-my-god-is-he-dead feelings wore off, it was AWESOME! Hopefully it was not a one-time occurrence... he's got my expectations raised now.

Here he is, passed out in the Moby. This is the way I get things done in the middle of the day.

In other other good news, we got the hospital bill... which was less than we thought! Turns out we just had to pay the daily hospital co-pay instead of the three thousand I budgeted for. Cam's light box, all of his bilirubin tests, my million hours of taking up a labor/delivery/recovery room... all covered 100%! Score for not digging into savings as much as I thought!

I also might add, YAY for having health insurance... otherwise it would've been more than $11K. (...just to have a baby, no complications other than a few extra blood tests and a light box. WTF healthcare system... WTF.)

04 November 2009

What's my name again?

I was reading a local money-saving/coupon blog today, and stumbled (through the wonderful intricacies of the WWW) upon this post on another blog:


I laid out how I feel about names in general in a previous post. But I've got an opinion about the whole changing-names-upon-marriage thing, too (me?! an opinion?! As if!).

Bottom line: do what makes you (& your fiance(e)) happy. If that means taking your husband's (or wife's) last name, great. If it means not changing your name, great. If creating an entirely new name for just the two of you is what you want to do, great. (Sensing a pattern?) It's your name - do what you want with it and other people will adjust.

Why did I keep my 'maiden' name?

1 - It's who I am. Changing my name would be changing who I am. 
2 - I like it. It's hard to spell and even harder to pronounce, but I think it's pretty.
3 - I got really into genealogy for awhile and appreciate the family history that's there. Other than Brian himself, I don't really have any attachment to his last name.
4 - Too much paperwork.
5 - 'Nicole' + (Brian's last name) sounds too violent. I'm gonna coldcock you...

And Brian didn't care. Although if he had, we probably would have had more than one discussion about it. It would probably have centered around the idea 'I'll take yours if you take mine'. :)

I realize I'm in the minority - and that's okay. I don't get offended when people I don't know call me 'Mrs. [B's last name]'. I am a little weirded out when people who know I didn't take Brian's name address me/mail that way... makes me think I need to remind them, but I don't want to go on a feminist rant unnecessarily. (Best to save those for truly disturbing topics, lest people think I'm a nut. ;) )

I do wish people would stop addressing things to 'Mr. & Mrs. Brian (B's last name)'... because apparently women traditionally change both their names. Never quite understood that one... unless it has something to do with property issues. ::rolls eyes::

The biggest legitimate critique (to me, at least) is the whole kids/family issue - whose name do you give? You've got two obvious choices - go with Mom's or Dad's. You could hyphenate. You could create a new name. The decision that Brian & I ultimately came to was to let gender decide: boys would get his last name, girls mine.

Yes, this means we won't ever be able to order those cute-sy Xmas cards with 'The ___ Family' emblazoned under an adorable picture of us with our 2.5 kids. Oh darn... oh darn. I think it's more important to foster a sense of family regardless of everyone's last name(s).

So we'll list everyone's first names on the Xmas cards. I like writing anyway.

30 October 2009

Chunky monkey gets snipped.

The three of us went to the pediatrician this morning for his 2 week checkup (and circumcision...!). Cam weighs 7 WHOLE POUNDS! That's almost a pound MORE than his birth weight!! I knew he was eating well, but... daaang, boy.

(Oct. 29)

He's also grown an inch (21" now). His newborn sleepers from Carter's actually fit him (and look so ridiculously cute)... and the Gerber onesies my mom stenciled on are almost too small. Give him 2 more days and he'll be out of them.
I left the circumcision decision up to Brian, since it's a boy thing. He wanted to, hence the scheduling. It kinda surprised me, but he went back with Cam while it was done. I didn't (although I had planned on going with him)... and now I'm kind of glad. It would have been interesting to watch... but not on my kid. The before-and-after was alarming enough.

I mean, I don't have a penis and my penis is hurting in sympathy if you know what I mean.

28 October 2009

Losing my REM.

I suppose, since Cam (and my teeny-tiny bladder) punctuated my sleep for the last weeks of my pregnancy, that I'm doing alright with this whole lack of sleep thing. I don't nap a whole lot (but feel better when I get one), and I'm still functional. But it's hard to feel like you're okay when you nearly doze off at 3:30 in the morning while breastfeeding... causing you to spaz out and jerk yourself (and your newborn, who was peacefully eating) back to a sitting position. Unfortunately, the Boppy pillow I have does not come with shock absorbers. Poor Cam.

(Oct. 26)
I love the reflection of the ceiling fan in his eye. 

Just hanging out, feeding around the clock. He generally has one 4 hr period in a day where I don't have to feed him... all other times, 1 1/2-3 hours between feedings. I'm really having to watch my fluid intake to keep up. And my appetite is scaring Brian... I might be able to go head-to-head with David soon.

23 October 2009

Weight check.

Cam is back up to 6 pounds! We went to the pediatrician for a weight check yesterday morning.

That leaves 3 ounces until he's back to birth weight. Wooo...!

So, after the next feeding... :)

20 October 2009

L & D

So, I'll do a labor & delivery post (for inquiring minds); I don't mind answering gory questions (you lose your sense of modesty in labor, big-time), I just didn't want to post everything 'cause I know not everyone wants to know it all. :)

So after about 3 or 4 days of nice, 5 minute apart contractions in the evening that would go away when I laid down, I woke up at 3am on Monday morning and couldn't go back to sleep. (I had been doing this the past few days, too.) So I came downstairs, got some water and a snack, and surfed the web for a bit. Then I became worried that if I became incapacitated or something during/after labor, I don't have a power of attorney signed for Brian to take over & make decisions. So I went to Suze Orman's website and did that (I had a code already). Yay. I felt accomplished and posted about it on Martha's wall on Facebook.

Brian got up around 5/5:30, as per usual. I kinda puttered around until he left, then made my way upstairs to try and get some more sleep. Also not unusual. I took my cell phone in case anyone texted me.

At 7:01am (cell phone time) I had my first real labor contraction. I know a lot of women aren't sure exactly when their labors begin, because the contractions are irregular/weak at first and build, but I just knew. I hadn't had contractions while I was lying down before. Two more, and I called Brian and told him that he might need to come home, I'd let him know in a few minutes. He had just gotten to work (of course).

At 7:30, I called Brian and told him he needed to come home. By this time I had gotten up and was swaying around, and the contractions weren't abating. Got downstairs about when Brian got home, and we discovered Saxon had gotten poo in several rooms. I hung out (and took a belly pic) while Brian gave Saxon a bath. We threw the camera bag and some water bottles in the car, then walked around the driveway for a bit before heading to the hospital. I remember feeling like the ride went really fast, although all the bumps were VERY uncomfortable.

We got upstairs, and after puking twice in front of a whole waiting room full of people (I hadn't had anything to eat yet, so I had a lollipop in the car... bad move), we got back to Triage. After an hour of hanging out and electronic monitoring, they told us to walk around for an hour and come back (I was at 2cm). Ok. We walked around for 2 1/2 hrs... I did NOT want to go back and be told to walk around again! Second time was the charm. I was admitted around 2pm, and after getting the IV hooked up and antibiotics plugged in ('cause I'm a Group B strep carrier), they pretty much left us alone for several hours.

It was rough. We later learned Cam was trying to come out 'sunny side up' - meaning he was facing my front instead of my back (the normal, easiest position). This is known as back labor. No wonder my back felt like I had done about 50 back handsprings without stretching/warming up. Swaying and just sitting on the toilet helped some, but mostly I wanted to curl up in bed, though I tried not to.

Around 8pm, when the nurse came in to hook up the monitor again (we had taken it off... again), I asked her to check and see where I was... because if this was going to go on that much longer, I might think about an epidural. Turns out I was at 5 cm. I turned to Brian, widened my eyes, and said "6 hours for 1 cm..." I shed a few tears at this point and got a bit discouraged. My nurse was very encouraging though - "you'll dilate very quickly now, you're 100% effaced", etc. I said okay, check me in an hour. If there's not a significant change, I want an epidural, because I (and my back!!!) can't take much more of this.

Bonnie (my nurse) comes back at 9 and checks - 9cm!! I was VERY relieved (and tired). We called my midwife, Judy, who came in and broke my water (it still hadn't gone yet - I think if Cam had had it his way, he'd have been born in the freakin' sack!). We waited another hour, but I was just hanging out at 9cm. So they gave me the smallest dose of Pitocin... another hour or so* goes by with no change. Upped it to the second smallest possible dose. This is when the contractions really started getting almost unbearable. Pitocin is the devil's plaything, I'm convinced. Bonnie started getting nervous because the monitor kept losing Cam's heartbeat, but I wasn't worried; every prenatal appt we've had trouble keeping him on there for very long because he's so active. She wanted to do a scalp electrode, but I flat out rejected that... so she had to physically hold the monitor on (during a contraction, this was a *wonderful* feeling... NOT).

Long story short, I pushed for a freaking long time. It went somewhat faster after we got the squat bar set up over the base of the bed. This was the one thing I REALLY wanted to do in labor; physiologically, squatting is the best position. There were many primordial yells at this point, and I'm pretty sure I scared the hell out of Brian. My voice sounded funny for several days. :)

At some point during pushing, I spun Cam so that he was facing the right (easier!) way, and he was born at 1:25am. (I only know the time because I asked later, lol.) Judy had me lift him up onto my belly and we waited a few minutes, then Brian got to cut the cord.

Cam was very alert and very pink from the get-go. :) I got to hold him just a few minutes before they took him a few feet away to be weighed/measured/cleaned up. He got two 9's for his Apgar scores (YAY). I got cleaned up a bit, they brought him back over, and we were left alone for awhile... it was great. :) No, I didn't cry - I was relieved the whole 18 hour ordeal was over with and happy to have a hunky new boy! I was buzzed for several hours afterward... Brian crashed shortly after we got to the postpartum room. He might've been a little tired, I guess... all that hand-holding. ;)

To sum it all up: hardest thing I've ever done, hands down. Nothing anyone tells you can really prepare you for labor; it's like running a marathon without any training. Breathing exercises gave me something to focus on besides my back. Weirdly enough, it also helped when Brian smiled at me (except after the Pitocin!)... it reminded me why we were there and that there would be an end!

And a darn good one at that! :)

*My sense of time was almost non-existent in labor. I was focused on getting through a contraction and "enjoying" the rest in between... if I had done anything else, I have a feeling I might've gotten that epidural.

09 October 2009

A brief note.

Dear contractions, (you don't deserve capitalization.)

I believe the expression is CRAP OR GET OFF THE POT. Stop this crazy every-5-minutes-for-an-hour-and-a-half-then-back-way-off-but-still-wake-me-up-often-enough-to-make-good-sleep-near-impossible! Grow some cajones pronto or don't show up again until right before the debut.

I'm telling on you.


07 October 2009

T-minus one week (and a few days)

= minor meltdown.

So, I should've thought this thing out more.
"This thing" being labor & delivery.

Eight months ago, I had ideas about finding a midwife, having a home birth, being laid-back about and totally personalizing the whole process. Seven months and 29 days ago, first trimester fatigue hit me upside the head (and body). Sure, I'll accept the OBGYN practice my HMO sent me to, even though the closest office is 45 minutes away. They only deliver at one hospital that's an hour away? Fine, fine. I sit in the waiting room for 30+ minutes each time I have an appointment (once for over an hour BOTH in the waiting room and the exam room)? Don't care. Just let me go back to sleep. Poke me awake to see a picture of the jellybean.

I'm really regretting my love of sleep now (at 3 &4 am... oh, the irony). I wish I had taken the time to find an obstetrician that I really like, or at least one who didn't try to make me feel teeny-tiny for asking questions or stating that I want a Hep-lock instead of dragging around an IV pole. And while the hospital where I'm planning on delivering looks like a freaking hotel/conference center in the main areas... it's still a hospital. They still have protocols and policies that I don't agree with (continuous EFM, pitocin after delivery, etc. etc.). Interior decorating doesn't change that, and I'm rather angry with myself for letting these factors (sleep, plants in hallways, weird Jesus art) push me towards 'going with the flow' so to speak.

I guess I'm getting nervous. There's so many things that you can't plan about a birth - time, place, not to mention the method (ultimately). I'm scared that the hospital staff is going to ignore what I want to do and that I won't be in a position to make them comply. (Although hopefully I'll just turn into a heinous bitch if they ignore me. Isn't a problem normally, right? ;) ) I'm scared that because I'm a first-timer, people are going to automatically disregard/poo-poo my requests - "no, that's not what you want", "you don't know what you're talking about". I'm scared that in the throes of a contraction I'm going to accidentally say 'yes' to something that I really don't want and that's going to turn into a whole slew of things I don't want. I'm scared that I won't recognize I'm in labor early enough. Hell, I'm scared I'm going to have to kick scissors out of my doctor's hand even though I've written all over my notes 'do not cut me on pain of death'. Yup, I'm scared. I'm okay with admitting it, I'm not okay with feeling it.

I'm also tired of wondering whether/what to do if I'm in labor... I've had 30 minutes of contractions that are 5 minutes apart, and then go away (such as yesterday). At what point do I call Brian if he's at work? After I've had an hour's worth of 5 minutes apart? After 2 hours? We still have at least an hour's drive ahead of us. I do not want my kid to be known as the Greenway baby on the 5 o'clock news. I'm seriously considering just staying home - "oops!" (which I'm sure freaks the hell out of Brian).

And my OBs just smile and tell me not to worry, I'll have plenty of time... and seem to forget that I just told them I was born in under 4 hours, and my mom in under 2 or 3 (both firsts).**

One of their responses to this last bit of info? "Well, we could always help you along and induce you if it's getting close to your due date and you're dilated." (yup, verbatim.) Because I obviously need help at that point.

(**There haven't been any studies looking at mothers' & daughters' time in labor (according to one of my OBs), but I would argue genetics (size of pelvis, that whole system in general) plays a fairly big role. I, of course, have no idea what I'm talking about... because I'm young and haven't experienced labor (did I mention all of the OBs are male?). Yes, that's the smell of irony.)

03 October 2009

Holding pattern.

So. OB appointment yesterday showed... No change from last week.

* I'd like him to come out when he's ready.
* I do not want him to succumb to "wimpy white boy" syndrome... even though he wouldn't be technically  premature now, the longer they cook the better (within reason, of course!).
* I like sleep.
* Enjoying baby-free time is going to be a little harder with a baby. So I should probably plant those tomatoes now and bask in baby-free 'glory' for the time being... (shopping anyone?)

Irrationally (which has been the theme of the pregnancy, yes):
* I'm amazed/freaked out by just how much my abdomen's been distorted. The circumference has already grown by more than a foot... it can stop now. I won't be upset, I promise.
* Having to sit spread-legged everywhere is getting old. I have no lap for the cats. I should have Brian videotape me bending over to pick something up, because I have a feeling watching that is going to make me laugh really hard when I can bend over again. (Generally uncomfortable.)
* I'd like my guts back, plzkthx. They've been very tolerant of the near-constant massage/lack of room (and weirdly enough, my IBS has gotten better!!?!!), but enough's enough.
* While getting a tan for pretty much the first time ever is great... I'd be happier if it were more even. And not on my face. Melasma! *shakes fist*
* This week is a bye week for the Gators... so I wouldn't have to worry about finding the game on the tv/radio if he decided to pop out today. That would be very considerate of him.

Also, FYI, Netflix is awesome! We just got a subscription/membership (through Upromise - so NF will deposit $12 into Monkey's account!), and are amazed at all the instantly watchable shows and movies. (Old MST3K! We watched "The Robot vs. the Aztec Mummy" the other night. Quality cinema.) Brian's been watching some anime, which I now think is *great* - because he'll massage my feet & legs while watching. 3 episodes = not hurting anymore! Woohoo!

Starting work on the front flower bed - Brian dug it all up and is installing some sort of drain system because it turns into a pond whenever we get rain. After that's in, we're putting down rock and planting winter squash in some half barrels we got yesterday. Also got some tomatoes to plant (Mr. Stripey and a hybrid cherry variety).

Yay for growing things!

02 October 2009

Small, short, and round...

aka "Rolie Polie Olie". Back to the 3am postings.

Wow, I overdid it yesterday. My back was killing me pretty much all day, except for about .5 seconds when I got in the car (yay, lumbar support). Add to that on-and-off contractions, and you've got a cranky behemoth to deal with. (I recommend avoidance, personally.) But the house looks nice...

I keep wondering whether my water has broken... although I'm of the opinion that if I have to ask, then probably not. Same with "am I in labor?!?" I've got an appointment in about 9 hours though - I'll just have them check then. Occasionally I wish I'd gained more weight so I could tell more easily when my abdomen is getting "hard". The thing's a freaking rock where Monkey has his butt/hip.

Then I remember, more weight = more uncomfortable! NO THANKS! Already need help getting off the couch when I lie down on it. Seriously, either Brian helps me up or I just kind of roll off onto my hands & knees. I'll laugh about this later, but right now it's really frustrating when I'm trying to rush & get to the bathroom. Or the phone.

Going to roll back upstairs and try to sleep some...

30 September 2009

Prep the nest!

Holy crap, I'm seriously nesting.

Today I swept/vacuumed the entire house. I washed the bathroom rugs. I washed the cat beds. I trimmed and vacuumed the cat furniture. I reorganized our family room. I labeled our new (free!) Publix grocery bags. I set up the playpen. I'm thinking about finally applying the art-y glass decals on our front door windows... and/or making brownies. I also want to reorganize our kitchen (which does need to be done at some point).

Brian is outside, prepping the front flower bed. We're going to plant in containers, but we need to put down some landscape fabric and gravel first. Winter squash, yum. I think I've managed to freak him out of the house (gotta remember this one). :)

So... yeah. This feeling good thing is kind of freaking me out.
I blame it on the gorgeous weather!

Update, 9:30pm -

I applied the art-y glass panels. AND made brownies. I didn't reorganize the kitchen... but I did wash up 45678765 things that probably could've waited until tomorrow. Or the 10th of never.
*face palm*
Going to bed now before I find myself doing something else that is not vital to my everyday life...

28 September 2009

The Name Game.

So chances are if you've directly communicated with me in some form over the past 6+ months about babies, there has been mention of names. Here are my thoughts/rationale on the subject with (as always) a liberal application of sarcasm.

'Have you thought about names?' (or some variant thereof) is usually the second question people ask when you tell them you're pregnant or they assume "it's not a tumor". (The first, of course, is 'boy or girl?' - and when you answer with one, you get all kinds of *fun* responses... but that's another post.)

When you stop and think about it, what the crap kind of question is this? No. Pregnant women do not even consider names until they've had a chance to thoroughly study their babies for at least 9 months. Women in general do not have any opinions on names whatsoever until they've given birth. Oh gosh, better get on that...

Have I thought about a name... No, I've been thinking about numbers and symbols. No, I had a lobotomy last year that makes thinking a little difficult. Damn, it doesn't come with the social security number?

Then there's the less asinine variety, "What are you going to name him/her/it?" I've mentioned previously that Brian finds my viewpoint on this particular question "amusing". I think there might be a little annoyance in there, too. :) (As in, 'why can't we tell everyone if we've already settled on a name...and why did I marry this crazy woman?')

Maybe it's because I think a lot about these things but to me, words (names for things) are incredibly powerful. I don't want to name something that hasn't even been born yet... I'll pick out a name, but I won't name it. Naming a baby is a rite of passage, just like birth. Every person is birthed and named. (Thankfully, the "how are you going to birth him/her?" question is relatively infrequent. I don't usually have to explain about the incense and witch doctor...) Why would I fling the name of my future child carelessly about to anyone who asked... especially before he had actually been named?

Refusing to answer this question, even with a semi-polite (for me) "We're not telling people right now", seems to be some kind of affront to certain people - even complete strangers. Because not knowing is the most horrible thing ever, you know. And it reflects how much I dislike you on a very personal level. Most people will, however, stop asking eventually... when it becomes clearer that no, I'm really not joking. I doubt anyone's talking that much about the kid that having a name to apply to him would make their lives/conversations much easier. Hell, I can get by just fine calling him "little man", "monkey", or his codename, "Magnum"... and he's physically attached to me at the moment (not for long... not for long!).

Hmm... so I guess it boils down to me being a private person and not seeing a reason for the rest of the planet to know what we're naming our future kid. They'll have the rest of his life to know his name... let us have our time now.

19 September 2009

Suction. (but more like suckage.)

Okay, I'm done with being preggo. Today's top 3 reasons:

1. I thought I had shrunk a particular pair of shorts too much (or something), so I went upstairs to change them before watching the Gator game... nope. Little man just keeps gaining weight and is sitting low enough to make sitting like a lady with my knees closer than 10" to each other next to impossible. Lumbar spine's loving all this, by the way. I now officially have one skirt and one pair of yoga pants that let me sit comfortably.

2. I'm having actual contractions now; while they aren't particularly scream-inducing, they're just painful (and occasional - had 3 today) enough to get really f'ing annoying and make me cranky (not that that's hard). A little different from Braxton-Hicks, which just feel weird (belly gets all tense, but there's no pain).

3. Brian & I went for a walk around the neighborhood after dinner/the game and little man pulled the trick of shifting so that he was laying on a nerve or something. For about 100 feet, it was extremely slow going... because I couldn't walk semi-normally. (Yup, I'm a waddler now.) Gah, radiating leg pain. The one other time he's done this, we were about to enter Target, in front of 345678765 thousand people... that was fun. (LoL)

Good things about today:
* I made macaroni & cheese (with broccoli) and froze it. Yay, 4 more meals. (I think that brings us up to 27 two-person meals, if my figuring's right.)
* Lane Kiffin can suck it. (Dude, you can trash-talk, but be sure to bring your A-game. This is the SEC.)
* Brian discovered the house has network cable running to pretty much every room. So that media PC shouldn't require him drilling a hole in the wall... (yay!).

Other funny tidbit to share:
Brian and I were talking about fetuses' legal status as people (or rather, not), and he said something about how pro-life people would feel differently than I do about it. To which I replied, "Well, they can [frustratedly searching for some kind of comeback] ...go suck an egg." The funny part being I didn't quite get what I had said until Brian shook his head, smirked, and said "That's bad, honey..." :)

I can still plead placental shunting... for now.

16 September 2009

Calfs and ankles unite!

We went to the "midwife" yesterday... turns out the same doc as last time was filling in for her (hope she's not sick or something!). Everything looks good, blood pressure is still excellent. But that's not the most exciting news. :-D

I've gained 4 lbs.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you, magical Rice Krispie Treats... thank you. Although in all actuality, it was bound to happen... I mean, little man's main job up 'til his debut is adding a nice, healthy layer of baby fat. I should reasonably expect to gain weight. Now to just deal with that extra four pounds hanging out, bouncing on my bladder and stretching out my spine... The bump is now large (and low) enough so I can't really wear the back support belt-thing (the elastic-velcro monster, as I call it) comfortably anymore. Sorry lumbar spine, you're S.O.L.! And of course, there's the whole ankles & feet on revolt thing... apparently they don't like carrying an extra 20 lbs., so they need to accumulate extra fluid on a regular basis.

So begins the Cankle Revolt of '09!

09 September 2009

Episode VI: Return of the Hormone(s).

When someone goes in for the first prenatal appointment of their second trimester, they need to be handed a piece of paper with Admiral Ackbar's picture on it.

Second trimester = smooth sailing. You start feeling better, you're finally showing but aren't so big you're uncomfortable 24/7, mood swings become a distant memory. (Maybe even your libido comes back.) In other words, this is the fun time. You're hesitant at first, thinking that you're just having a few good days in a row. As days become weeks, however, you become more confident. Pregnancy "symptoms"? You're not suffering! It's great!

Cue week 29. (Otherwise known as the aforementioned Episode VI.) Suddenly, symptoms from months ago are back with a vengeance. Bending over involves nausea again, but this time from internal organ compression. That is, when you can bend over. Mood swings? Try mood tsunami.

All is quiet as hormone levels rise... with no indication of impending disaster unless you have some advanced seismological warning equipment (this may be a worthwhile investment, dads-to-be... unless you like wearing a cup). Then, BAM! You're doing something inane, like watching your cat chatter at the lizards outside (he'll never learn), and start crying because your husband hasn't read that book you got from the library, like, a million years ago. And/or you want to yell/scream/hit/throw things at him. Sometimes you do, and then feel horribly guilty and cry all over again. So of course, you can't sleep, because you now can't breathe through your nose... on top of your lungs being about the size of a kumquat.

Makes one all nostalgic for 6 months ago, when you just had to carry around tissues and a wastebasket...

08 September 2009


Dear Whatever Deity in the Sky I Feel like Addressing at the Moment,

Please explain to me why my boobs have to get even bigger. What did my husband do to warrant such a reward  and what can I do to top it? Wasn't two cup sizes enough?!

Reply by email would be best (or just comment on the post, plzkthxbai).

P.S. If we name the kid after you, will you relent?

04 September 2009

The Good, the Bad...

...and the hormonal. You can really tell the progression of hormones through these lists, I think. Weepy grateful -> weepy angry/disturbed -> angry/P.O.'ed. Oh well. Them's the brakes when it's 3am and you can't sleep. And little man's discovered the trick of wedging a foot at the TOP of my uterus! :) (Incredibly comfortable, oh yes.) Trying to focus on the good right now (there's more, I just can't think of them at the moment)... I've just had a rough week.

Good things about being pregnant:
*Smiles from strangers (or friends and family, lol)
*Getting help lifting/moving things without having to ask half the time
*Feeling sexy with a belly
*Feeling little man kick/respond when you talk to him
*Finding that one person who gets it: "The baby's getting bigger! How wonderful!" not "Wow, you're getting huge..."
*People who ask politely before they touch your belly.
*When the cats curl up around my belly and start purring.
*Friends who let me vent/have a complete meltdown, and then talk about non-baby-related things.
*Always having dibs on the last bit of anything.
*Brian being willing to pick up food on the way home, no questions asked.

Bad things about being pregnant:
*People commenting to Brian how he is "making" me do things like climb stairs. Because, of course, I don't have free will...nor am I two feet away at the time.
*Lack of sleep and comfortable sleeping positions.
*"So you've got what, two weeks left?" (with more than six to go); "Are you sure it's not twins?" (for the fifty-millionth time... not funny anymore); "You need to eat more, you're not big enough."; "So you're about ready to be done, right?"; "Lose some weight, fatty." (even in jest, not funny.)
*Hearing random birth stories. Luckily, most of our friends don't have kids/haven't been pregnant yet. But hearing Brian's boss/manager/[insert appropriate term here] talk about how his wife's OB had to manually strip her membranes to induce labor was a LITTLE DISTURBING. If she were present, I doubt he'd be talking about fingers in her vagina so recklessly (or I hope not!). Did I mention I had just met him 30 seconds prior to this story?
*People who think it's their god-given right to stroll up and molest my bump. If you jiggle it, it does hurt - thanks!
*Feeling guilty about not doing things (work, writing, etc.) that I wanted to get done because fatigue has set in again.
*Feeling completely hormonal and yet completely justified getting upset with some of the things people do/say.
*People bugging me about the name, or insinuating/telling me either that a) they have every right to know or b) that they're going "to get it out" of me eventually. Yeah, when the kid's born. Until then, shut up about it. (I'll leave it at that for now, since I'm going to write a post about names too. Brian finds my take on them... amusing.)
*People assuming pregnancy/babies are all I want to talk about/think about.
*Commenting on how hairy my belly's getting. Really. Because pregnant women aren't at all self-conscious or hormonal at times.
*Men commenting on 'how women complain too much about pregnancy, especially when they [women] wanted to be pregnant in the first place'. Until they (the men) have attached a bowling ball inside their pelvis (and drug it around for 4+ months), had leaky pec implants without stretching skin first, had their ankles and knees swollen (like something out of 'Misery'), been constipated for weeks on end (sorry to get graphic), AND been sunshine-y perky throughout all of this - STFU. Those same hormones that make them protective about their pitiful excuse for testicles can make pregnant women feel like hell (or worse).

01 September 2009

Ode to puffed rice + corn syrup + butter...

...and practicing blogging with pictures. You know, for two months from now when I start posting pictures of this. (Have to, we decided in the car today. Tailor-made for us.)

The nursery is now more-or-less complete. The walls still look a little bare (waiting on pictures from Kim - like Emo Gorilla!), and we still need to get ceiling hooks for the hot air balloon and also the awesome mobile from Katie & Colin, but... the furniture's all there. We got a dresser (solid pine!) at IKEA that doubles perfectly as a changing table. The bassinet was actually made by my grandparents when I was born. And the crib (with organic mattress!) is all set up... probably was the hardest piece to select.

We had an OB appointment today... that Brian went to! The doctor (who had the personality of dry toast the first (and only other) time I met him) actually made eye contact with me this time, and sat down to answer my questions... and basically didn't rush out of the room 30 seconds after coming in. We left, and Brian said, "Wow, I see what you were talking about." No idea that it was 400% better than last time... I'm wondering if it was because Brian was there. I'm hoping the midwife's on call when I go in. *grumble*

Everything's measuring well. I asked specifically about my weight, because I still haven't broken 130 (I was so sure I was going to :( ). It's been pretty much all bump & boobs for me... though I suppose if I start gloating now, I'll put on two lbs a week for the remainder of my sentence. :) Doc said the kid's going to get what he needs, and the only reason they even give weight guidelines is so many people put on too much weight during pregnancy. He doesn't see a problem with my weight now, as long as I keep eating healthily.

In light of that last adverb...

Since I've recently been known to eat 1/2 or 2/3 of a 13x9 pan of Rice Krispie treats throughout the course of a single day, I've decided to counter my addiction to them. With... fruit smoothies. We'll see how successful that is, given that the sweet airy crunch of marshmallow-y goodness can make me wake up at 3am and sneak downstairs for a bite... or two (thousand). Wish me luck!

28 August 2009

Food is good. More food is better...

...except if you're part of a Monty Python sketch.

So today has been immensely productive. My back hasn't been totally killing me. Little man wasn't kicking the crap out of me this morning (although he started up after lunch). My feet have been relatively happy in memory foam slippers. I really hope this isn't the "nesting" thing they were talking about as a precursor to labor... or if it is, that it lasts about 5 more weeks. Yay for having energy.

Ergo, I've been able to get the following made and stored in the freezer: 12 quarts of beef stew; 4-ish quarts of chicken with forty cloves of garlic (made into a stew); 4 foil packet dinners of chicken, rice, tomatoes, & artichokes; 4 foil packets of sour cream & mushroom chicken and rice; and 32 meatballs (YUM). Still have cheesy tomato-basil chicken packets to make. This might feed us for a few days after the kid's born. Might.

I remembered to get some ingredients to make lasagna & ziti, but for some reason forgot the all-important tomato sauce at the store yesterday, so that's going to have to wait a few days. Chili and mac & cheese (with broccoli) are also on the agenda. Maybe banana nut bread if I can keep any bananas in the house for more than 2 days.

See universe? This is what happens when you allow me a good day! Do it more often! :)

Also made chocolate walnut oatmeal bars last night for Brian to take into work today. He also got a raise today. Coincidence? I think not... Perhaps I should bake more often. I wonder what would happen if I made the über peanut butter crunchy brownies...

26 August 2009

Participial phrases, my favorite fragment.

Some adjectives/participial phrases for the past few days:

sluggish, achy, irritable, not wanting to think about how much I hate the medical rigamarole that goes into having a baby, getting PO'd tried to figure out whether I'm having a contraction or little man's just stretching (which distends the belly in *two* directions now), worried because I don't think I can tell the difference, enjoying the lack of crying around the house, attempting to not get swine flu even though there have been people in the area with it and my nose has been running

I think that covers it for now.

20 August 2009

Quick update.

Yesterday = horrendous backache, all day. Spent probably 2 1/2 hours in the tub (in two increments), which helped a little. (This kid is definitely growing...) Today = headache brewing.

The baby shower last Saturday = awesome. Totally worth missing my nap. ;) So many great people and so much good food! And I was freaking overwhelmed by the stuff people gave! We have to get a few little things, but the kid is basically set for now. Thank you cards are in the works. It was really nice to see everyone who could be there, and I'm glad the guys had a good time at laser tag (I know Brian was really looking forward to that). :) I hope the girls had a good time, too!

Random thoughts from yesterday/today:

* Kudos to Brian & me for instilling such UF pride in the kid, but he really needs to stop performing a full body chomp. Seriously. It's weird enough when I'm sitting down reading, but eating? C'mon kid, I'm trying to feed you.

* Every time I hear "Nicoderm," I think of elephants... "Pachyderm CQ. For your unhealthy addiction to thick-skinned hoofed mammals." This is the price you pay for having a mindlink, apparently. (Kim!)

* Someone in Publix (it's always Publix) asked me if I "knew what I was having" last night. I said puppies, although I must confess I did think about lying and saying it was a tumor. :)

03 August 2009

Where's Sean Connery when you need him?

Still growing ever bigger; we've past the point of being comfortable anywhere outside a large tub of fluid. I'm seriously considering yelling at the obstetrician tomorrow about the whole iron supplement thing. (My iron level at the last appointment was slightly - and I mean slightly - low, so I got prescribed a new prenatal vitamin (which has iron), plus iron supplements. I'm happy with the Flintstones, thanks... but I took a few of the sample iron pills, and they have kinked up my intestines within an inch of my neck. No more - just bring on the burgers!) I was doing fine where I was, being responsible about my diet/nutrition, thanks. So what if Moonpies played a role in my plan? (Yes, just kidding.)

The crib arrived today. I opened the box downstairs and carried it up to the nursery piece by piece... then decided to put it together by myself (to save Brian the trouble, of course). It took me about two hours, most of which was spent matching the frillion and five parts to the illustrations in the instructions and then interpreting what they actually meant. Had it all set up with sheets and bumpers when Brian got home, which was the goal. :)

I had another one of those "oh yeah, we're actually having a baby" moments while setting up said crib. It was weird, because we've been buying stuff (clothes, diapers, etc.) for a month and a half now, the room's been painted, I've BEEN getting kicked in the guts for the past three months... and it's finally really dawned on me in the last week or so that soon we will be responsible for creating a small child - oh yeah, and taking care of it. Maybe it's because I finished up July's budget...

Baby shower's coming up soon - I'm SO EXCITED to see everyone & have everyone over. :) There's still 2 rooms left to paint, but whatever. The garden'll probably have to wait until after the party, but it will get done this month, too.

So now it boils down to... The Wait for Mid-October.

24 July 2009

Light rant. Very light.

Yup, another rant. This one's brief, I promise.

I think Baby Einstein stuff is ridiculous (esp. the videos!). Right up there with Baby Mozart... which is based off an unreproducible (even by the authors) study of college students doing spatial tasks. Anyone else getting the disconnect?

Also on the list of things to be laughed at: products such as this one. Sure, educate your kid in the womb. I have no beef with that idea... obviously fetuses are building lots of connections and developing their brains in ways we can only begin to understand.

But there are many easier ways to do this without forking over hard-earned dough to corporations whose products continue to remain unfounded at best. Normal, everyday noises are heard and processed... for example voices. This kid better be born knowing all the words to "Hot-Blooded" by Foreigner and be able to perfectly imitate Gwen meowing at the top of her lungs, that's all I'm going to say.

Exposing the kid to light also helps brain development. Here's an article (originally appearing in Scientific American) which mentions light being important in brain lateralization (last page).

Of course, exposing the kid to light has the added advantage of keeping him up during the day so he doesn't kick me so much at night. Minor detail.

21 July 2009


Maybe it's just because I'm really tired (and trying to keep myself from napping), but I find myself waxing philosophic/contemplative about... my belly button.

I liked my belly button. A lot. It was cool - not cavernously deep, not irritatingly shallow. Nice star pattern, never collected lint like gangbusters... as some apparently do.

I feel more ambiguous about it now. As my belly started blowing up like a balloon, it became shallower and shallower... which was fine. Then came the day a corner of it poked out, so it looked a little lopsided. Fine, fine. I thought it looked like it had a lisp (because if it were a mouth, its mouth would be crooked... don't ask). The lisp became larger and larger...

Now, it's pretty much all hanging out. And because it's so much more forward than it was 7 months ago, it gets hit by things. A lot. You can only do that so many times without stopping and "appreciating" just how delicate/sensitive an area your belly button area really is.

I mean, think about it. This is the section of your torso that once had a split in the abdominal wall so that you could get all of your nutrients through the tube that connected you with your mom. Is it not now amusing in some sick way that as I'm returning the favor for the next generation, the remnant of my own gestation is getting abused - inside and out?

Time to toughen up, I guess.

15 July 2009

What To Expect ... when you're ranting!

I find it very frustrating that the #1 pregnancy book in America (referred to by some as the "pregnancy bible") is penned by someone whose sole authoring credential is having been pregnant herself. While I admire Heidi Murkoff for turning out a bookshelf's worth of books, and turning herself into a pregnancy guru (preguru?), "What To Expect When You're Expecting" is not a worthwhile read. Among my peeves:

* "Mood swings" are classified under "depression". I've had mood swings that are depressing, sure - but most are more like "rage" or "mania". Depress that. (Does this post count as a "rage" episode?? Hmm, maybe.)

* Any of this information can be found online. In multiple places. With multiple authors. Sound like common sense to anyone else? Use your brain (and your internet connection), and save yourself some $$.

* What the crap is up with laying on the guilt trips?
While not confined to this book (the "Skinny Bitch" book dealing with pregnancy is another notable offender - although interesting look into food standards), it's intensely irritating to have your actions questioned just because they deviate from mainstream advice.
-Yes, eat your vegetables. No sh*t. But what if the sight of something green on your plate makes you sick? I'm not hoping to star in a bulimia documentary here. I eat what I want, and what I eat I want to stay down. Any doctor will tell you a fetus is a very efficient parasite; any nutritional deficiency is going to be felt first & foremost by -your- body, not the kid's.
-Sleeping only on your left side? What fun. Yes, I'm mentally retarding my fetus by choosing not to get bed sores/a sore back/sore hips and sleeping on my right side when I feel like it. It's hard enough to get comfortable as it is, thanks.
-Exercise, or you'll have a rough, long labor and be completely unprepared for motherhood. How about listening to your body? When I don't feel like moving, I don't. When I feel like moving, get the heck out of my way or get run over. I'm enjoying doing nothing while I can.
-Alcohol is only for women who want autistic/underachieving/ADD/evil kids! If I want a sip of wine/beer, I'm going to have it. Eff off. Fetal alcohol syndrome should (rightly) concern binge drinkers. However, a taste of wine does not a binge drinker make. Kidney (read: urine) output increases so much during pregnancy, that kid isn't ever going to get near that mouthful of zinfandel.

* Again, not confined to this book: weight obsession. "You should gain...". Suck it, "experts". I really don't care (though I'd be pretty uncomfortable) if I gain 40+ lbs. Your body is going to gain what it should gain... unless you have a medical condition (celiac, thyroid, etc.) - stop worrying!

(Full disclosure: I do not own (and refuse to own) a copy of this book. My impressions are based on 10 minutes of skimming done at Barnes & Noble. I reserve the right to taunt anyone who thinks this book is ..."handy".)

14 July 2009

Top Ten.

Top Ten Things I Wish I Knew Before Getting Pregnant

1 - Sleep will never be the same. Just when you think you have your nightly pee breaks more or less planned out, things will change. Don't plan on sleeping for more than 4 hours at a stretch... EVER.

2 - Get abs. If only to help with the increased strain on your back.

3 - Invest in Q-tips and Puffs. Oodles of boogers is something you never get used to.

4 - Practice more yoga. Breathing and learning to support your organs while moving (& under pressure) is invaluable.

5 - Enjoy bending over without sounding like you're deflating or grunting like pig while you can. Unloading the dishwasher, putting on shoes, and feeding the cats become much more difficult with a basketball on top of your intestines.

6 - Don't plan any projects that require dragging your butt off the couch for the 1st four months. This includes packing. And cooking.

7 - Reconcile yourself with feeling useless. Enjoy other people helping you!

8 - Adult diapers can actually be useful... if only as motivators to do your Kegel exercises.

9 - All those pregnancy books really aren't kidding when they say "tender, swollen" boobs. CRAZY. OW. Don't buy too many bras of one size. Invest in bra extenders.

10 - Hide being pregnant as long as you can. Total strangers think it's their business to stop you and ask all about your pregnancy/fetus/what child-rearing techniques you'll use. Nunya, weirdos. Nunya. Did I mention the "total strangers" part??!

In other news, I went to CVS looking for a stethoscope today, so -I- could hear little man's heartbeat. Theoretically, other people can hear it without the aid of one, but putting an ear to my own belly is proving to be... difficult.

CVS only sells stethoscopes packaged with blood pressure cuffs. And because we're all idiots and can't follow instructions, they screw the chestpiece to the actual cuff. Luckily, this is easily freed & dealt with. Finding his heartbeat was a little more challenging, but not too bad.

There's a rave in my abdomen. Or a darn good impression of one.

07 July 2009

Assume the fetal position... and stay that way!

Yesterday was a bit rough.

Little man decided it would be fun to sit/stretch out/godknowswhat so that at least one foot was constantly behind my bellybutton. For HOURS. Headbutting of the ribs has also increased.

The small cool part to this was lying on the couch and being able to press & then feel his foot.

However, this was in no way comfortable - no laughing, no breathing, and no bending over without getting a sharp little poke behind the already stretched out & tender area. HahaOw. It was *all* the more fun when he moved... all the time.

Brett said he was trying to use the emergency escape hatch.

Um.... no.

02 July 2009

Pressure's building.

I wonder how long this is going to go on.

I go to bed at night, thinking "Holy crap, how do I get any bigger than this?! I'm HUGE!" In the morning I wake up and think, "You know, I'm really not all that big..."

Maybe I roll over in the middle of the night and squash him back in on himself. Forget CERN's hadron collider, people should really be worried about the end of the universe starting when my belly implodes.

I'm thinking one's about as likely to happen as the other.

26 June 2009

Sleep modification module... complete.

Um... yeah. I was up an hour ago. At 5:30. AM. BEFORE Brian.

And while eating breakfast with said husband, it could arguably have been said that I was "perky".

If you know anything about me, this is setting off alarm bells in your head right about now.

(WTF mate!)

25 June 2009

Head shots.

Yesterday, I was sitting in our reclining chair in the family room with my shirt pulled up, just watching my belly. I like to do that, since you can now see the abuse my internal organs are receiving.

Little boy is hammering on me pretty well - got his feet kicking my left side, arms/hands just under the belly button - when the right section of my belly suddenly begins to distend. (Yes, it looked really weird.)

So I put my hand on top of it and lo and behold - it was round! And hard! Then the kicking stopped and I was able to relax for a few seconds of peace.

And my first thought was, "This little turd is headbutting me!"

For the record, it was still pretty cool.